Passion, interest, energy, creativity, are signs of life. When you begin to experience loss of interest, brewing excuses, indecision, unexplained time loss, high levels of irritability, indifference and protecting old ideas.
These are symptoms of “dying on the vine”. You may need to create a personal checklist to assess yourself and your partner to determine if ”someone” has started “dying on the vine”.
Purpose, intent and active communication inspire your relationship. You can experience bliss and blossoming, as you feed, water and nurture the roots, trunks and leaves of the relationship. You will also find laughter, care, grace, support and fulfilling connection.
The xylem and phloem are supplying water, nutrients and sunlight which brings green growth. Yes, you need to keep nurturing your relationships at midlife or they will “die on the vine”.
Neglect, limited attention, infeasibility, lack of investment, contempt, limited communication, exchange of "funny" ideas and not sharing responsibilities will lead to “dying on the vine”.
You can be in a relationship for years living in the same house, running errands, dealing with children issues, careers events, paying bills, going to church together but “dying on the vine”. When you begin to feel the symptoms of low energy, disconnection, limited communications and other side effects. Wow , it means you need to take concrete steps to revive the relationship.
The tree leaves are gradually turning yellow, brown or, grey. You suddenly find a burst of energy, passion, laughter, in other things, people, events and situations but when you go back home to your partner, you feel lifeless, unenthusiastic about anything, even your greeting is as cold as ice.
You need to dig around the roots to find the cause of the challenge, to also avoid falling off prematurely, you need to blissfully cross the midlife age range as a couple into your sixties with passion, new joint purpose, stronger communication, and discussions that will highlight the challenge with solutions freely suggested without threats to personalities.
Withering is caused many times by neglect, not watering the plant, not saying “hello, just checking on you during the day”, not listening attentively to their boring or repeated stories from work, business travel, not supporting your partner with a cup of tea, lunch dates to reconnect monthly, allowing basic conflicts to fester and become a storm. Withering can also be caused by worms, pests eating the leaves and fruits of your relationship, allowing voices, influences, opinions, dislikes, criticism of others about you and your partner grow so loud that they silence your sense of reasoning and your caring voice, and remove your hand of softness and love.
The fruits and leaves are not given a chance to survive, because you are always with your colleagues who are dramatically negative about relationships because of their limited bad experiences, they have skillfully generalised and become expectant of doom and gloom in any relationship. If you keep exposing yourself to these people at lunch time, during community or social events, you will surely allow yourself to “die on the vine”. Be very bold to gradually and, strategically move away from endemic negative people who are systematically angry, bitter, revengeful and generalist in options. You do not have to say anything to them, just create other events and travel in another route.
It is not too late to give new life to your routinized relationship, even if it feels too dry and dead. One litre or a cup of water can cause new stems and leaves to push through the dried stem. Protect the roots with more fertilised soil and mulching against the direct heat of the sun that can make the soil go very dry and crack like an arid situation. You need to do something daily that will keep the root and soil moist.
Keep doing these things and also inspire your partner to do the same. Do for your life partner his/her preference, what makes them blossom and shine.
Create a bucket of love and aligned compliments that will inspire new hormones to be released and a smile on her/his face.
Sometimes the vine needs to be trimmed or pruned to shape, to ensure it's not skewed heavily and the wind breaks it, it can be pruned to enable new buds to sprout. One of the facts that inspires long life and quality living is the quality of our relationship.
Watch out for our next post on ‘ Blossoming on the Vine’
"When your Spouse is going through a Midlife Encounter, you should be studying the signs and impact on your Lives and Relationships. The true essence of Maturity is tested at this time."