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Do Men Really Cry? - He Cried

Mofe found his soft pillows wet and stained every day. Was it sweat? His deep feelings made it difficult to get up from his bed every morning. His mind was falling into a deep well that suddenly became an ocean of dark blue water.

Mofe found himself swimming in this water every day, deeply sobbing in his tears. Cry!!!, really for a man? "No oooo".

Crying is something that most men hide and never reveal because it is not ‘African Manly’ to cry or worse to cry and show it.

As a young boy I remember family members and neighbours said the same thing:

"boys don't cry",

"don't show your tears",

"Are you a baby or a girl and so on?

All these words conditioned many boys to hide or suppress any sense of emotions or feelings turning them into aliens who are unable to experience the reality of human emotions.

Mofe had just come to terms with the end of a loving marriage and had already begun to feel the “love loss” situation in the most basic spouse and family interactions.

Breakfast was served cold or without consideration, daily check-in and travel safety follow-up after a trip was gone, basic comments about what to wear and matching item advice had stopped, and basic hugs, and fondness touches had stopped. Wow…

Mofe and his spouse had become co-tenants in a beautifully built and furnished dream home that had slowly become an AirBnB for them.

The realisation of “love loss” and the actual departure are two separate and distant events. The realisation stage feels like a knife thrust into your heart but left in there to protect the arteries from bleeding out too quickly, yes, the pain is real, yet ambiguous, the feeling is like cold draft air caressing your skin for a long period.

This was where Mofe found himself for 3 years and 7 months.

“If you want to leave, I won't stop you and I won't demand anything from you.

Take everything and you'll never hear from me again.”

hmmmm…. his spouse told him these words regularly. This was like turning and pressing the knife slowly and deeply into Mofe’s heart. It feels like the left side of his chest is now so heavily filled with blood and water, making him drop his shoulders and lose any sense of energy or dignity.

Words are so powerful and repeated words are weapons.

Mofe’s biggest questions were; how can I change this situation, should I stay or should I go, should I give up so easily? These words and thoughts were on his face daily.

Sleeping in different well layered bedrooms with state-of-the-art beds, dressers, colour-lite wardrobes and shoe closets made the room feel like the waiting room into hell. The beauty and silence in this room tortured his heart.

For how long can he continue to bear this pain and cry every night? Is it worth the horror of water and blood slowly sipping out from your heart?

Do men really feel this pain?

Do men experience heartache and heartbreak, loss of heart, blood and water?

Yes, yes, yes. ….

Men are human but wear a camouflage that makes them feel strong at all times in every situation, but remember, even artillery soldiers fall in love, cry and seek affection.

Men, it's ok to cry, it's ok to feel the indescribable pain in your heart. It's okay to share your story. You are still a man.

Do something today to reach out to a brother that has suddenly gone cold or silent. Don't let the brother drown in his pillow.

Click here to check out our resources for men.



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