How have you been enjoying our relationship series?
Today, we bring you a story about relationship among siblings - "Midlife Rooted Rivalry"
How did you get to the point where you need to travel long distance to settle the deeply rooted rivalry between your children? You suddenly can’t fathom these events and it feels like a scene out of a movie.
Your first point of call is the police station to bail out your own child. A great child, well educated, successful startup career, and well respected by his colleagues and mates, yet totally unable to deal with rooted sibling rivalry.
Like Cain and Abel, the end of the movie is never pleasant.
What are the underlying sources of sibling rivalry?
Unique differences in the children.
Competition inspired by the family structure and communication style.
Unresolved and unexplained bias for one child over another.
Affinity of one child towards the preferences of the parents and the divergence of the other child towards something seemingly out of the family culture but not necessarily wrong morally.
“I think your younger brother is more intelligent than you.” or “I think you need to go back two steps and be in the same class with your brother”.
Parents must become conscious of thoughts, actions, words, communication, body language and expressions that brew rivalry and straightway work on improving communication style and context, to create more balance and celebrate the uniqueness of each child.
When normal conflicts occur at a young age, it is best to handle the situation based on agreed family rules and careful explanation of why a child will be reprimanded based on the rules.
When children don't understand the reason behind a correction or punishment for wrongdoing and yet the same measure is not used for the other child, you have just created a huge monster waiting in the sharp curves of the future.
Jealousy is a positive emotion and it does not have to lead to negative emotions if a child is educated by the parents, that it’s okay to feel jealous but it should spur you to greater and better results. We need to allow our children to experience the full range of emotions based on different experiences, yet explain the intricate issues that may come with the emotions and the responsibility they have to choose the next set of positive actions that will aid better results in life.
You cannot afford to spite a child with the uniqueness of another or compare results. It is better to compare results with their previous performances or set standards and agreed family measures without mentioning the other child.
Suddenly, you begin to experience the polarisation of your family, Victors Vs Victims for daddy or Winners Vs losses standing with Mummy. These are strong inexpressible undercurrents in the family conversations.
How did you get here?
You have arrived at your location and you are headed to the police station. A thousand thoughts are running through your mind and you are thinking they have hidden the worst part of the news from you.
What has happened to your “favourite child?” Has he moved from “Victor” to “Victim?”. What is happening to your “perfect” family structure and reputation? Wow!! You cannot believe this is you on this trip.
How can you handle this Midlife Encounter without more damage to the already fragile family structure?...
Stay tuned to our blog to read the rest of the story.